I'm all fucked up today. That's how depression is sneaky because some days you'll be feeling completely fine—better than that even, I've been feeling better than I've felt in years for the past few days, and then just in the last five hours or so WHAM just out of fucking nowhere comes this crushing, Atlas-breaking heaviness. And there's nothing you can do, no hopeful reminder, no song to whistle to yourself, no anodyne (not one that works in the time allotted, there have been trials with Ketamine (really) as it's been the only effective thing to treat "acute onset depression," although the depression tends to only go away after one deals with, what can be, a rather grueling experience while the Ketamine does what it's known for which is make you have rather vivid and intense hallucinations and a certain lack of fine motor-functionality (small price to pay for Ketamine at other times, but when you're in the middle of an "acute depressive episode" not always the mindset one wants to have when stepping into the realm of higher consciousness)), no way to bring yourself out of it. Like I was just talking about, when you're so depressed that it becomes physical you are already in a place where you have lost a lot of motor-function since your CNS becomes concurrently depressed along with your psyche, esp. the more depressed one gets and the longer it lasts, the more time it has to latch on to your whole body, and not just your mind... not that "just your mind" isn't enough of it to take hold of, because believe me, it's plenty to make you feel like you've been hijacked by the disease—and that's how I fell asleep for four hours without even really being tired. Just because lay down was the only thing I could do that wasn't something harmful. That's how much this thing takes over.