"Why did this happen?" Fuck you, motherfucker. I actually, well, I guess I still don't, but I didn't really see the gravity of the situation when it was still fresh. When they had gotten the "medicine" out of her system they flew her right back to Chicago where they could keep an eye on her, and of course me and Brooke were talking this whole time and I finally just said, "So when do I see you?" And she hesitated and said, "I don't think it's going to be like that."
And me, I just thought, Like what? I mean, I still don't see what the big deal about suicide is, especially if you're just a nobody with no kids to take care of like me, like I've said before, I'm just taking up space, basically using my ability to put words into a computer to convince other people that suicide is perfectly fine, so if anything it'd be a good thing that I kill myself because it's going to save other people's lives. And I understand that those closest to you would be sad and all that stuff, but is it that sad? Especially if somebody wants to be dead, can't you have compassion for that person? Now, as far as Brooke goes, I honestly think she was in the midst of a "manic episode" as one of my therapists described the state that most people are in when they try to kill themselves, but if you're someone like me who obsesses over it all the fucking time, then what is it? Is it just fulfilling a goal? Is it making your dreams come true?