This Is...

the worst fucking coffee I have ever put in my body.

I always drink my coffee black but this thing came out of the pot looking like used motor oil but didn't smell as sweet. I took a sip and it was like biting into a lemon dipped in old sour cream.
It was my fault though because I ran out of my good coffee from down the block at the Porto Rico Importing Company (maybe if I plug them they'll give me free pounds of delicious, fresh delicious coffee) and I had to make a late night run to the deli down the block so as I could have some coffee in the morning without leaving the house to get it... well, in the morning, which, as we all know (run-on sentence, - 15 points) will mean that I will just never get up and lay in bed all day shivering and cold and jonesing for a cup that will never get made and with a headache and annoyingly fresh breath.
I thought, "Nothing could be worse than the can of Folger's with the old font that's covered in dust," and I made the little Asian man get back up on his ladder as he shook and intermittently fell asleep as I moved his arm from the elbow up towards the Italian name and fancy can that was only kinda covered in dust. It has to be good, right? It's Italian! Didn't they like invent being awake and espresso and stuff? No! It was terrible and each sip felt like a strep throat swab covered in anus-ointment (I'll tell that story some other time). I say beware fellow coffee addicts, this is as bad as it gets.

Comments

[BeWellStaySick]

I ALWAYS HATED WALKING THAT EXACT BLOCK BECAUSE I WOULD ALWAYS GET MAD HOLLERED AT BY BLACK DUDES AT THAT WEIRD PARK OH MAN OF COURSE THAT'S WHERE JONESING COMES FROM!!!